Monday morning. The iFixit teardown room is tense and silent. The scent of citrus hangs in the air. And the Orange is preparing to meet its fate—an iFixit teardown to determine its repairability.
Despite the fact that Andrew and Sam are preparing for their most difficult and controversial teardown yet, they seem ready. Andrew will tackle the physical teardown of the fruit; he’s clearly prepared to meet the challenge with zest. He places the Orange in front of the camera, thinking aloud: “I can’t think of a way to slightly slant a round thing for the photographs. It’s just … so shiny.” All are mesmerized.
The difficulties of this teardown are not for the faint of heart. First, there’s the issue of Orange identification—a daunting task indeed. Jake creates an apeeling identification page full of objects that are frequently mistaken for Oranges: cucumbers, apples, Donald Trump.
Then there’s the Orange itself—a sly, acidic mistress who keeps her secrets well hidden beneath the mysterious adhesive that binds the fruit together. When multiple tools prove hopeless against the impressive Orange rind, the big guns must be unleashed—the big heat guns, that is. Like Jack Bauer questioning a suspect, Andrew fearlessly applies the heat. As the unique scent of charred Orange fills the room, curious noses turn up outside our door. “That’s a delightful smell!” a passerby exclaims. Others (me) respectfully disagree.
The failure of the heat gun turns the crew despondent. “This is dirty. And complicated. And I’m tired,” Andrew laments. The Orange mocks us all. For a moment, the team fears this whole teardown is pointless—nay, pithless.
But then, a light in the darkness. A closer look at the burnt Orange reveals a face peering out—is it a sign from above? “It’s either Jesus or Burt Reynolds,” Walter notes. Whether it’s a blessing from Jesus or the Great Mustachioed One, the team gets the inspiration they need to press forward. With some 80s music to juice the proceedings, a renewed crew suddenly discovers the tool they’ve been waiting for: the oOpener.
Like a gift from Morgan Freeman (or Martin Freeman?), the oOpener is bursting with unnatural and unmatched citrus-controlling power. When the Orange rind miraculously spirals away from the fruit, the cheering suggests that all feel juice-tified in their efforts. From there, the job is a citrus-laden breeze for our intrepid crew.
Challenging teardowns can be a struggle, but there’s no better way to reveal the driving passion of our teardown team. The pulp-able stumbling blocks the crew encounters are nothing compared to the fruit of the team’s labor, especially when the teardown reveals a product laden with juicy problems that would otherwise go unnoticed. With a repairability score of O out of 10, the Orange teardown is a reminder that we should always choose our fruit with maximum repairability in mind. Future generations will thank us.